You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
