I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
