Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
