Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
