Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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