How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
