Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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