New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
