I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's never too late to be topless.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
