he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
