sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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