operation have a gay friend backfired
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
