In the future we'll all be gay
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
