you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
