Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
