are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you would pick up someone in the library
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
