Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
