We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
