I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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