The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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