the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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