dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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