I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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