My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She announced her abortion via fbk
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
