if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
