So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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