Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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