The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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