if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
