Apparently you make a good broom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
