Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
