Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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