Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
