you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
