did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
