In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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