Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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