Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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