the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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