Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
