I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
