so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
