big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
