: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
