Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
