a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
