I feel great
I just peed on a car
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
