I'm going to rape someone's good day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
