they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
