Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
