so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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