well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
