I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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