I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
