So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
